Death of MySpace Curt

I’m pulling the plug on myspace Curt. He really never caused any problems, never complained of neglect, never uttered a word of protest. That’s mostly because he just stood in the corner unnoticed. So, I’m not killing him off because he was doing bad things, but because he never did many good things. He ignored friend requests, didn’t return happy messages, and took no notice at all of birthdays. In all honesty, he was pretty much all of my negative characteristics distilled into a tiny online presence. I’ve grown tired of him, so I’m giving him up in exchange for more time for face-to-face conversations and laughing with friends. So, goodbye to my ignored myspace friends… And you better be watching yourself there, Facebook Curt. I don’t like your attitude some days. You may be next.

SMBC College Week 2009

Gary, Matthew, Lester, and I started throwing around the idea of starting the SMBC College Week last spring. We discussed it with the Board of Directors and got the approval to proceed with it this summer. This may seem like a minor switch, but it’s been much, much more than that for me. You see, I’m a recovering control freak. I don’t mind change as long as it’s well planned and controlled. The new College Week we’re planning makes my head feel all higgledy-piggledy. (In case you’re not familiar with that phrase, it means out-of-control thoughts leading to sleepless nights…and you should read more Winnie the Pooh…) For eleven years we’ve been perfecting the Intermediate Week with successive waves of 4-8th graders. I’ve gotten into a comfortable pattern, pretty much knowing what has to be done and when it needs to be finished. Now we’ve thrown all that out the window to start something from scratch. It’s not just a new adventure for our camp. We’ve not run across anyone that runs a full week of camp focused on college-age folks. Therefore, we don’t have anyone to steal ideas from. Some of my best ideas have been stolen from others. I’m not even sure I’m capable of generating ideas of my own. What if our plans turn out to be dumb and college kids think we’re just stupid? What if no one shows up for the week of camp? What if everyone shows up for the week of camp?!? Can you see what my mind has been doing to me?

So, why in the world are we doing this? In all honesty, because I feel like God is calling us to this adventure. We’ve prayed about it for over a year, asking God to lead us where He wants to go and make His will obvious to us. During that time, it’s become increasingly apparent that God is shoving us toward an age group that is being “under served” and sometimes outright ignored by our churches. He’s softening our hearts to an age group that sees a lot of folks drift away from Him. I see lots of opportunity for God to display His work in ways I’ve never experienced. That’s exciting. I mean I literally get goosebumps sometimes when I think about it. That’s what keeps me going. That’s what gets me through the sleepless times when I don’t know the answers. It’s because I serve a God that has all the answers and promises to do more that I can even hope to imagine (Eph 3:20). That’s something I want to be part of. I hope you will too.

It’s good to be home

After two weeks on the road, it’s good to be home. The last two weeks wore me out. People make fun of me when I say that sitting in meetings all day will make you tired, but it’s true. If you really want to know what it’s like, here’s what I suggest:

1. Find the most uncomfortable chair in your house and place it off center from your TV. Your viewing angle should be steep enough that you subconsciously lean over in an effort to improve your view.

2. Invite six friends to join you in watching eight hours of the most boring infomercials you can find on TV. Discuss and critique each performer’s believability, enunciation, and hairdo.

3. Only take potty breaks every one and a half to two hours. If you find that you really have to go really bad, wait for three hours to take your break.

4. Serve snacks that are high in sugar content to encourage a momentary rush of energy followed by long periods of drowsiness. When you start feeling drowsy, turn your TV to the programming channel and read about the PBS shows coming on later in the day.

5. Take turns predicting the future. Let each person in the room tell what they believe the world will be like in five, ten, and twenty years. As each person shares their point of view, everyone else should point out the flaws in their logic. Encourage arguments about the effects of obscure technical issues outside the control of mankind, such as sunspots or near-earth orbit.

6. Ensure someone’s cell phone rings every ten to fifteen minutes. The only acceptable ringtones shall be “It’s a Grand Old Flag,” “The Charleston,” or “Hamster Dance.” The person receiving the call should stand and proceed slowly to the next room before answering. Answering the phone while seated is not socially acceptable unless it is from a family member and you are willing to carry on the conversation at normal speaking volume.

On second thought, just volunteer for jury duty. It’s the closest thing I’ve found yet.

All dressed up and nowhere to go…literally

I’m traveling again this week and experienced a rough start to my trip. I had to fly on Sunday and I hate flying on Sunday. The biggest reason is that I don’t like to spend any time on the weekend working and away from family. The other reason is that the flight schedules are reduced on the weekend, so you have fewer options for recovery. When my flight was delayed Sunday due to the storms, I ran out of options and ended up spending the night in Indianapolis so I could fly out early Monday morning. The early morning flight was delayed to the point of morphing into a mid-morning flight, which means I missed my connecting flight. I was rebooked on a lunchtime flight on the standby list, but didn’t make the cut. I finally made a suppertime flight and got to my hotel about bedtime. The hours I spent lounging about the Washington Dulles airport were maddening, but I managed to keep myself occupied. As my friend Lisa says, “The truly intelligent entertain themselves.” I’m not sure if I want to label myself as truly intelligent, but here are some of the things that entertained me throughout the day.

#1: Food. Airport restaurants have a captive clientele. Their limited selection and high prices usually have me wandering around looking for the perfect balance of quality, quantity, and price. As a result, I enjoyed a Wendy’s Baconator for breakfast at 9:00 am. I figured the 830 calories and 51 grams of fat would stick to my ribs and keep me feeling hungry for a good while. In reality, it left me feeling greasy and a bit bloated. I held off eating until grabbing a bag of pretzels and a juice just before my evening flight. The pretzels and juice ended up costing about two dollars more than my breakfast Baconator combo, which offends my sensibility. How in the world can a few ounces of pretzels and a bottle of juice cost more than a half pound of meat, a wad of fries, and a Dr. Pepper?

#2: Payphones. It’s rare to see a pay phone these days, but there are banks and banks of payphones in the Dulles airport. Being that it’s in Washington DC, I’m guessing it’s because some Congressman’s brother owns the company. I didn’t see anyone actually using a payphone, but I did see a lot of kids playing with them. I remember back in the good old days prior to cell phones how we would sprint off the plane and grab a payphone to check our phone messages. We used calling cards to make calls so we didn’t have to carry around a pocketful of change. To check my messages on my work phone, I dialed the 800 number for the phone card, entered my fourteen digit security number, dialed the voice mail number, and finally entered my nine digit mailbox and password. That’s a total of thirty-four numbers I had to remember to retrieve a voice message. Yep, things were simpler back in the good old days.

#3: People. I really love watching people. It’s one of my favorite ways to entertain myself. This category is far too broad to cover in one paragraph, so I’ve broken them up in categories.

#3a: People behaving poorly. Watching people at the airport is especially entertaining because it combines the perfect blend of stress and an anonymous setting. That combination results in people showing their true selves since they’re pretty much totally focused on themselves. Since I spent a good bit of time at the customer service desk, I witnessed several folks losing their patience due to missed flights. It was amazing to see how many people got really nasty with the folks behind the desk. The biggest jerk was a guy with his teenage son and two teenage buddies. He was really putting on a show for the boys by being really mean to the clerk behind the counter. I have to admire the clerk because he remained polite through the entire ordeal.

#3b: People in tacky clothes. An older flight attendant once lamented to me that she missed the day when people used to dress up to fly. Apparently flying used to be a special event and people dressed accordingly. Men wore coats and ties and women wore skirts and hats. Air travel has definitely moved past the point of being a special event and we’ve lowered our fashion styles accordingly. I like to be comfortable when I travel, but some people take that WAY too far. There are just way too many folks traveling in sweat pants. I know sweats are comfortable and there are cute ones for girls and cool ones for guys that look perfectly acceptable. Those aren’t the sweats I’m talking about. I’m talking about the discount store ultra-cheapo versions with stains and rips. The sweats you wear when you’ve got the stomach flu and you’re looking for the perfect blend of speed, comfort, and disposability.

#3c: People behaving weirdly. I thought I had a winner when I saw the quirky guy taking pictures of magazine covers in the convenience store. However, this was quickly topped by my experience at the ticket counter. While conversing with the clerk, I heard the sound of splashing water. When I looked down, lo and behold, there was a granola mom holding a juice bottle while her three year old boy relieved himself. Of course, he assumed the pose that most three year old boys use for relieving themselves: pants around the ankles. I looked away quickly until I heard the all clear signal, “Are you sure you’re all done?” Now, don’t get the idea we never dealt with pee-pee emergencies, but discretion was always at least attempted. I see lots of therapy in this young man’s future.

Looking back, I’m thankful to have been surrounded by a cast of characters that helped entertain me and pass the time. I just hope I helped some other stranded soul by entertaining them with my own peculiarities.

Altars

I came across police lights on the way into work this morning. A lady had slid off the road into a field and the police were on the scene to assist her. It made me pause because I very nearly ended up in the same field not too long ago. On that snowy morning, I was headed into work and it wasn’t very slick at all. Traffic was running close to normal speed and I was on autopilot. I noticed my tires spun a little when I started up a big hill, so I slowed down just to be extra careful. This hilltop is a little tricky because there’s a slight curve as you crest the hill, which tends to throw you out just a bit. When I crossed the hilltop on that snowy morning, the curve threw me out more than just a little. I felt the rear end of the truck start to come around and I steered into the skid as smoothly as I could. Now, let me state that I am quite certain that I am an above average driver, just like 85% of the folks in this country. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve used my finely honed skills to pull off some spectacular exhibitions over my twenty-five years of driving. I was a pretty fair drifter long before any of the import wanna-be movies made it cool. It’s a skill I honed driving an over-powered truck with not nearly enough weight on fat rear tires with not nearly enough tread. However, I learned long ago that the Good Lord watches out for me sometimes when I’m not smart enough to pull it off myself. That snowy morning on that hilltop was one of those moments. I was doing my best to straighten the truck without overcorrecting and swinging the truck around into the opposite ditch. It was at that moment that I heard Carrie Underwood singing from the passenger seat. Well, not really, but somehow my big old truck straightened itself up and I realized I wasn’t sliding sideways anymore. With the exception of some sweating, heavy breathing, and that weird taste of copper penny in my mouth, it was all a memory. It was a memory until I saw that lady out in the middle of the field today. Seeing her out there in the field jogged my memory and I thanked God for delivering me that day. Then, a silly thought entered my head. I’ve been reading a lot of Old Testament lately and I like how the Israelites set up an altar of sacrifice when God delivered them. I thought to myself that I should follow the Israelites’ example and erect an altar on that hilltop. Like I said, it was a silly thought, but it started me thinking… where are the places where I should have built the altars in my life? Here are some of my sites in no particular order or significance. Please share some of yours if you are so inspired.

-Gatlinburg this past weekend: The Winterfest program was below average for me, but I really enjoyed the time with folks I love.

-Bloomington Hospital delivery room in April 1994: Jake barged into the world and forever changed my understanding of love.

-SMBC ballfield in July 2005: Praying for Brent with more passion that I’ve ever felt in my life.

-Children’s Museum in March 1988: First date with my best friend Beth.

Science Fair

Today, I judged a science fair at a local primary school. I wanted to share some of the highlights so you can understand why I enjoy it so much. It’s awesome to see the kids get excited about their projects, except for the kids who have no clue what their project is about. One kid told the other judge she didn’t know much about her project because she was asleep when her parents were working on it.

First, here are some of the best projects…

This was the overall winner, who researched fingerprints and genetics. He examined the similarities of fingerprint styles in family members to show whirl and loop patterns are often common. He used the balloons to show how your fingerprint grows as you get older.

This kid placed samples from around the school in Petri dishes to see what kind of bacteria grew. His conclusion, “Our school is dirty!” was a big hit with everyone except the janitor, who mumbled as he walked away.

This little girl did a very nice job with an experiment she designed herself. She said her little brothers like to wear bandaids all the time, but they always come off in the bathtub. She placed four manufacturer’s bandaids on eggs and allowed them to soak in water. The sturdiest was an off-brand name called Pizzaz! or something like that. They’re probably made in China and contain banned chemicals that make them really effective.

This first grader created a model of an eardrum. When you talked into the pink tissue paper cone on the left, the aluminum foil covered disk on the right vibrated. The quality was amateurish, but pretty good for a first grader’s parent.

Now on to the lesser entries. First up: kids who put very little effort into their project.

Here’s a science fair classic, “Which brand of popcorn pops the most?” It combines all the characteristics of a great science fair project: low investment of time, no real scientific data, and bright colors. Plus, on the upside, you can eat the project when you’re done.

Another classic, but this one requires a little more time and effort. The rubber chicken bone uses one of science fair’s most important substances…vinegar. One year we had eighteen volcanoes and one vinegar rocket that managed to blow up, dousing me in vinegar. That was the year they changed the rules to outlaw explosive/erupting vinegar experiments.

Another classic, the lemon battery. The smallest light bulb this poor kid could find was a 25W bulb, which is just outside the wattage range of two lemons. He demonstrated it was actually making power by sticking it on his tongue, which he described as tasting nasty and feeling weird. He offered to let me try, but I declined. I did give him bonus points for the super hero graphics.

And our final category…kids who are totally clueless.

I really don’t think this little guy had any idea that he had dried grapes in a dehydrator to make raisins. The only thing he remembered was boiling the grapes to make the skin come off. I guess the rest was just a blur. You know, the hours of watching grapes slowly dehydrate into raisins.

This entrant researched how an egg becomes a chicken. Except she didn’t really do much since she said her dad and sister looked up the information and told her what to write. My favorite part? “You can expect 12-15 live chicks from 24 eggs. The rest of the chickens die.”

And saving the best for last, this little guy performed the classic “dissolving salt in water.” His results were kind of sketchy and when I asked him why things hadn’t turned out well, he said, “Well, I just started it this morning.”

Ridiculous

We had visitors at work last week and met them at Texas Roadhouse to eat. This is what I saw while crossing the lot:

The Monroe County Sherriff has a Prius. I can hear criminals around the county… ”OK, so if the cops come after us, just remember we need to go uphill. They’ll never be able to catch us.”

Unintentional Intolerance

I spent the last two days at the Crane Strategic Communications Conference. Yesterday’s highlight was a guest speaker that talked about diversity. We normally get guest speakers that are fellow government weenies that believe their purpose in life is to remind us of the importance of public policy as the panacea for injustice. Luckily, yesterday’s speaker was not one of us. He was a diversity guru and an engaging speaker, which is a quality in short supply at most government conferences. The purpose of this gentleman’s lecture was to encourage us to step beyond our comfort zone to engage folks that look, act, or think differently than us. One point in particular really struck me because it resonated on a spiritual level also. He was describing unintentional intolerance, which is the bias we carry with us that we don’t realize we carry. He had an equation to describe how we build these intolerances, which went over big since the entire group is pretty much all scientists and engineers. The equation is:

Unintentional tolerance = mindlessness + multiple redundant messages

Mindlessness is how we react when we don’t consciously think things through. He described it as the cognitive script we run without thinking, similar to our heartbeat or breathing. This script is created by our experiences or lack of experiences.

Multiple redundant messages are the things that are imprinted upon us by repetition like TV commercials. They become part of our thinking over time without us consciously putting forth the effort to do so. For my generation, I believe this is exemplified by the Oscar Meyer wiener song. After you hear it a few thousand times, it’s in your brain for life.

So, what does this mean to me as a Christian? What mindless things am I doing that are blinding me to what God wants me to see? Where am I allowing my cognitive script to run instead of perceiving the truth of the situation I’m in and reacting as the person God needs me to be? What redundant things am I doing simply out of comfort or habit? Where do I need to make changes to rationally consider where I am and how I should respond?

A week of travels

I pledged to blog more frequently, then headed off for a week in a hotel without internet access. So, while they aren’t exactly timely, here are some of my thoughts from the past week.

I stayed in Louisville on Monday night so I wouldn’t have to fight the snow to get to the airport on Tuesday morning. On my ten minute drive to the airport Tuesday morning, I was praying God would keep me safe in the snow and ice so I could make my flight. Then, I looked around and guess what? There were other people on the road and I hadn’t thought to pray for them. I was so consumed with myself that I forgot about all the people around me. There are lots of applications in this one…self absorption, lack of compassion, etc. It bothered me all week. If I don’t care enough about others to pray for them to get through the snow safely, how can I pretend I care about their souls?

Our meetings finished at noon on Friday, so everyone was anxious to get to the airport. Folks were worrying about all kinds of stuff: traffic, getting through security, flights being on time, sunspots, you name it. I was anxious to get home, but I tried not to worry. I’ve done my best to give up worrying about things I can’t control like airline flights. The key for me is putting everything in the context of the power of God. It’s not that I believe God is my genie in a bottle, turning stoplights green to get me through traffic and re-routing storms to keep my flights on time. Instead, I believe in a God who has the power to make good things happen even in the midst of bad things like a missed flight.

The world needs a lot more towns like Mitchell. Big cities and their anonymity really do bring out some bad habits in folks. On my flight home Friday night, an elderly well-dressed gentleman sat next to me reviewing what appeared to be legal briefs. After we stopped at the jetway, I grabbed my backpack and stood up in the aisle to stretch my legs. I glanced over at the well-dressed gentleman and noticed he had buried his thumb in his right nostril. He then proceeded to repeat this procedure with his left nostril. Keep in mind that this wasn’t a graceful quick flick of the nostrils, but a deep and prolonged search that drew a crowd of onlookers. Several folks were staring at this gentleman and he obviously didn’t care. He was secure in his anonymity, knowing he was on a plane with a bunch of strangers. As for me, I like the accountability of Mitchell where friends and family help keep me in line.

True blogging

I read Gary’s blog post about Collin turning six and realized he was right about true blogging. I’m going to follow his example (not usually a good idea) and post more thoughts and worry less about composing the perfect story. I’m going to attempt to share things I heard or read that inspired me to think.

I finished reading Neil Cole’s book, Organic Church, this week and wanted to share some of the quotes that made me pause. This is a very good book with lots of great ideas for reaching the lost.

“If you want to win this world to Christ, you are going to have to sit in the smoking section. ”

“We spend so much time building nice barns with padded pews, air-conditioned halls, and state-of-the-art sound systems, yet we have neglected the fields. We are as foolish as as the farmer who builds a barn and then stands in the doorway calling all the crops to come in and make themselves at home. It is time for the Church to get her hands dirty in the soil of lost people’s lives.”

“I went to a seminar on how to start a church. Church planting was reduced to simply getting more people in the seats on Sunday. Personally, I want to give my life to something a little bigger than that.”

“There are two kinds of lost people in the world, the moths and the cockroaches. In the darkness, it’s impossible to tell them apart, so the best way to discover the difference is to turn the light on. The moths will be drawn to the light, and the cockroaches will flee.”

“The end is not accumulated knowledge but a life of obedience that will be willing to die for Jesus. The process isn’t over until there is a flat line on a screen.”