All dressed up and nowhere to go…literally

I’m traveling again this week and experienced a rough start to my trip. I had to fly on Sunday and I hate flying on Sunday. The biggest reason is that I don’t like to spend any time on the weekend working and away from family. The other reason is that the flight schedules are reduced on the weekend, so you have fewer options for recovery. When my flight was delayed Sunday due to the storms, I ran out of options and ended up spending the night in Indianapolis so I could fly out early Monday morning. The early morning flight was delayed to the point of morphing into a mid-morning flight, which means I missed my connecting flight. I was rebooked on a lunchtime flight on the standby list, but didn’t make the cut. I finally made a suppertime flight and got to my hotel about bedtime. The hours I spent lounging about the Washington Dulles airport were maddening, but I managed to keep myself occupied. As my friend Lisa says, “The truly intelligent entertain themselves.” I’m not sure if I want to label myself as truly intelligent, but here are some of the things that entertained me throughout the day.

#1: Food. Airport restaurants have a captive clientele. Their limited selection and high prices usually have me wandering around looking for the perfect balance of quality, quantity, and price. As a result, I enjoyed a Wendy’s Baconator for breakfast at 9:00 am. I figured the 830 calories and 51 grams of fat would stick to my ribs and keep me feeling hungry for a good while. In reality, it left me feeling greasy and a bit bloated. I held off eating until grabbing a bag of pretzels and a juice just before my evening flight. The pretzels and juice ended up costing about two dollars more than my breakfast Baconator combo, which offends my sensibility. How in the world can a few ounces of pretzels and a bottle of juice cost more than a half pound of meat, a wad of fries, and a Dr. Pepper?

#2: Payphones. It’s rare to see a pay phone these days, but there are banks and banks of payphones in the Dulles airport. Being that it’s in Washington DC, I’m guessing it’s because some Congressman’s brother owns the company. I didn’t see anyone actually using a payphone, but I did see a lot of kids playing with them. I remember back in the good old days prior to cell phones how we would sprint off the plane and grab a payphone to check our phone messages. We used calling cards to make calls so we didn’t have to carry around a pocketful of change. To check my messages on my work phone, I dialed the 800 number for the phone card, entered my fourteen digit security number, dialed the voice mail number, and finally entered my nine digit mailbox and password. That’s a total of thirty-four numbers I had to remember to retrieve a voice message. Yep, things were simpler back in the good old days.

#3: People. I really love watching people. It’s one of my favorite ways to entertain myself. This category is far too broad to cover in one paragraph, so I’ve broken them up in categories.

#3a: People behaving poorly. Watching people at the airport is especially entertaining because it combines the perfect blend of stress and an anonymous setting. That combination results in people showing their true selves since they’re pretty much totally focused on themselves. Since I spent a good bit of time at the customer service desk, I witnessed several folks losing their patience due to missed flights. It was amazing to see how many people got really nasty with the folks behind the desk. The biggest jerk was a guy with his teenage son and two teenage buddies. He was really putting on a show for the boys by being really mean to the clerk behind the counter. I have to admire the clerk because he remained polite through the entire ordeal.

#3b: People in tacky clothes. An older flight attendant once lamented to me that she missed the day when people used to dress up to fly. Apparently flying used to be a special event and people dressed accordingly. Men wore coats and ties and women wore skirts and hats. Air travel has definitely moved past the point of being a special event and we’ve lowered our fashion styles accordingly. I like to be comfortable when I travel, but some people take that WAY too far. There are just way too many folks traveling in sweat pants. I know sweats are comfortable and there are cute ones for girls and cool ones for guys that look perfectly acceptable. Those aren’t the sweats I’m talking about. I’m talking about the discount store ultra-cheapo versions with stains and rips. The sweats you wear when you’ve got the stomach flu and you’re looking for the perfect blend of speed, comfort, and disposability.

#3c: People behaving weirdly. I thought I had a winner when I saw the quirky guy taking pictures of magazine covers in the convenience store. However, this was quickly topped by my experience at the ticket counter. While conversing with the clerk, I heard the sound of splashing water. When I looked down, lo and behold, there was a granola mom holding a juice bottle while her three year old boy relieved himself. Of course, he assumed the pose that most three year old boys use for relieving themselves: pants around the ankles. I looked away quickly until I heard the all clear signal, “Are you sure you’re all done?” Now, don’t get the idea we never dealt with pee-pee emergencies, but discretion was always at least attempted. I see lots of therapy in this young man’s future.

Looking back, I’m thankful to have been surrounded by a cast of characters that helped entertain me and pass the time. I just hope I helped some other stranded soul by entertaining them with my own peculiarities.